I have often been accused of ballsing things up because I am too impatient to read a recipe/instruction manual etc and today I am bearing the consequences of not having read the 'how to' page of Facebook.
Throwing myself in at the deep end (how difficult could it be?), I registered and promptly began looking up a few friends. Up popped a list of their friends with their respective photographs. "Ooh" thought I "that's a fine photo of a very interesting looking fellow/fillie". So I began clicking on various photo profiles to get a bigger, better look and to find out what these interesting people got up to.
The next thing I knew, my inbox began to fill up with messages from Facebook which said, "Mangipari Belogondo has confirmed your friend request" and things of that ilk. At first I thought it must be an administrative slip of Facebook but no, there were just too many of these strange and interesting 'friends' appearing in my inbox for it to be a mistake.
Then things took a sorry turn for the worse. I had clicked on a picture of a friend of a friend who was someone I knew from many years ago. Back then I had been working at The Young Unknowns Gallery - the place famous for exhibiting a pair of human foetus earrings. We had an exhibition coming up entitled 'Lesbian Erotica' and submissions were arriving daily. There were a few highlights including a photograph from Tessa Boffin's 'Angelic Rebels' series, an enormous shocker of a painting by Mandy McCartin and a cast of a woman's torso with her hands tied behind her back; by . . . who? To cut a long story short it turned out that the creator of the piece was male and when we pointed out that it was supposed to be women-only submission show he suggested that his daughter (also an artist) take credit for the piece. We uhm'd and ah'd and unethically decided to include it. And were found out. It was quite right that the 'friend of a friend' (a notable lesbian photographer) should create a fuss.
And it was quite right that the 'f of f' should now question why the hell I would want to be her Facebook friend. A message appeared in my inbox asking for an explanation. Thankfully, the 'f of f' knows the true meaning of the expression, 'let bygones be bygones'. But it could have got nasty.
There is also a very nice journalist who may be wondering why on earth I am hijacking all his friends. If he notices this odd (almost stalker-like) activity on his Facebook page then I will apologise and claim extreme stupidity as my defence. I HAD NO IDEA THAT WHEN I CLICKED ON A PHOTO THE PERSON CONCERNED WAS SENT A MESSAGE SAYING I WANTED TO BE THEIR FRIEND! Honest. And I promise to read all the 'how to' guides from now on.