I was supposed to be coming home to cook some deliciousness and blog about it tonight but I've been knocked sideways by my backside.
Whilst drying myself in front of the mirror this morning, I noticed that my left buttock had developed a sagging appendage - it had become a sort of cheek with-a-lesser cheek. I turned, I twirled - my right cheek was just as it had been for the last 20 years. Not exactly firm but nevertheless it was not a sad old sagging two-bag affair like the left one.
I appeared to have suffered some kind of 'stroke of the buttock'.
There had been an article in the Sunday Times this week about how to get a Brazilian bum (and it did not mean paying for boys). Unfortunately, as I thought I would never need such advice, I used this particular piece of journalism to line the bottom of the cockateil's cage. Today, three days later, I have been scraping the birds poo off the page to rescue the exercise instructions.
Then this afternoon, voicing my problem at the school gates, the gorgeous and glamorous Clare-mum said that her sewing machinist friend had very differing buttocks due to the constant exercise of pushing a pedal with her right foot.
"So what do you do with your right leg that you don't do with your left?" Clare asked, "Is your right buttock firmer because you exercise your right leg more?"
Very good point. The only additional exercise my right leg gets is 1) crossing it over my left leg
2) kicking things
I must stop kicking things. No! I must start kicking things twice - once with each leg. Yeah! Exercise problem sorted. I expect results in a week.