I'm suppose to look puzzled, not angry!

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I have a book to publish. Editors love it, marketing departments say 'up the media profile'. So here I am 'upping it' and writing about the book, food, and life in general.

Monday, 23 April 2012

Ged said, "There's something in the wood shed . . ."

by graffiti artist Ged Collins

For months now we've been coming home to find the door to the log store open, indicating that someone has been checking to see what's in there.  "What are they hoping to find?" mused Ged-the-lovely-husband before setting out to buy yet more security lights.  He worked through the afternoon installing them so our home now has a lovely Colditz feel on approaching.  I still can't get used to them and jump every time I put my key in the lock.  The search beam hits and I think someone is standing behind me with a torch in one hand and a gun in the other.

Then last week Ged walked into the kitchen with a pot of glue.  "I found this in the log store.  Glue sniffers must be using it at night.  I'd better set up cameras and we may have to inform the Police."
We do have to be a bit security conscious with Ged being a jeweller but I did wonder why the hell anyone would want to cramp and contort themselves inside our spidery log store to partake of a bit of glue.  "Are you sure it's sniffy glue, darling?  Should we check before calling the Police?"

And so Zoe the 11 yr old found mum and dad inhaling glue in the kitchen on a Sunday afternoon.

It was definitely sniffy glue.  "The funny thing is" said Ged "that it's exactly the glue I need for repairing the plastic connection to the sewage pipe at the front of the house."  I could see the search light flick on in his brain.  "Oh, I think I may have put it there myself, actually.  I sort of remember buying  glue a while ago and putting it out there ready to do the job. I hid it under a log so the kids wouldn't fnd it. Then I forgot."

Yesterday I came home to find Ged had sprayed the word 'LOGS' on the log store door with silver paint. "Darling, why have you done that?  It looks a right old mess.  Were you worried you would forget where we keep the logs?"

No.  He thought that if he sprayed 'LOGS' on the door then robbers, drug dealers and the like would take him at his word and go home without checking.  Of course he could just lock the log store door but as we spend a great deal of our lives searching for missing keys he prefers to leave the key in the lock.

"And where have you put the glue for fixing the poo pipe?" asked I.

"Back in the log store, hidden under a log so the kids don't find it."

Which means he'll forget and we'll be going through this whole sorry process again in a month's time.  Unless he sprays 'AND GLUE' beneath the word 'LOGS'.  Bless him.

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