La Locanda and its misplaced pride

Grumpy in Gisburn

It was my birthday last week.  I chose La Locanda in Gisburn as I'd heard so much about it and thought my birthday justified the splurge.  If only the food had justified the splurge.





Pig cheek carbonara

The specials board had my heart a soaring, 'yolk egg - pecorino-pig cheekes (sic)' sang the description of the carbonara.  I had chosen La Locanda over Nino's Fighting Cocks (a newly openend Italian nearby) for good reason.  The Fighting Cocks had lost the battle because I heard they put cream in the carbonara instead of egg yolk.  That said it all for me - I wasn't going anywhere that bastardised a classic Italian dish.  I didn't order the carbonara at La Locanda because I can make it myself in a jiffy anyday of the week but knowing they knew how to do a proper carbonara meant I could order the crab ravioli followed by lamb cooked three ways and feel confident that I would be getting something special.  I didn't.

Crab ravioli with tomato skins

Soggy chips with black spots

       

The pasta of the ravioli was hard, the sauce thin in both texture and flavour and why they chose to lay boiled tomato skins on top I do  not know.  Ged had been so overexcited by the menu that he ordered fritto misto as well as the ravioli.  Lucky he did as the fritto was okay.  Joe also had the fritto with a portion of foul chips.  Anyone with any knowledge of a good chip can see from the photograph that the chips were soggy and lifeless and sporting black spots.  My lovely step-daughter tasted them and said, 'Great chips'.  I swear to God we nearly came to blows over this.  I have to blame her lack of taste in the chip line on being brought up without ever tasting a decent chip.  She must have nothing of quality to compare it to.  I was furious. Mainly at Ged because he was the one who brought her up; he taught me how to eat and cook so he had no excuse.  I may have had  PMT but it really did upset me greatly.

I must add that the owner, who is lovely, and so Italiano that it's difficult to tell what she's saying, came over to ask if we had enjoyed our starters.  "They were fine" said I.  Which is what I say if things are just okay.  No point making a fuss over a bit of hard pasta with tomato skins.  Then she asked, "But what was the best?"   'Don't push it lady' I thought.  How could she be so misguidedly over-confident about what her chef was sending out?  Either there is usually another chef in the kitchen who cooks everyting we had to perfection (and tonight was his night off) or she is aware of the standard of the food and thinks it's acceptable.

Now take a look at Ged's main course of slow roast pork with truffle mash.  Doesn't that look the dog's bollocks?  Well, dogs bollocks would probably have tasted better.

Delicious looking inedible pork

The fat was divine.  The meat inedible, truly cannot-chew-it-need-to-spit-it-in-my-napkin inedible. Even Ged refused to eat it and he grills pork chops to within an inch of their lives.  I tasted the 'mash' which was very truffly but was gritty and slimy at the same time.  It felt more like badly cooked polenta than potato.

Lacklustre lamb

My lamb 3 ways was a fatty over-cooked chop, a less fatty over-cooked chop and a lovely little pot filled with lifeless tomato sauce with a few cubes of stewed lamb.  And it had not been cooked in that little pot either.  I wanted sticky, thick and glossy meat in there.  Potatoes could have done with more salt and a half hour longer in the oven too.  Zoe had lasagne which was okay.  Sarah had the crab ravioli.

We were given a hefty bill and an evaluation sheet.  I gave them an edited version of this review and hoped for a call saying it had been the regular chef's night off and all would be well if we returned.

I'm still waiting, La Locanda.